Peplums and Other Fashion Tragedies

I know most normal people are not scouring the web for a glimpse of what might be in the stores this fall.  To be truthful, *I* won’t be in the stores this fall because I. Don’t. Shop.  At least not in the traditional sense.  I do my buying trolling websites online and what I’m finding is frankly alarming.

hbz-AMCQ-preAW13-09-lgnFirst, for those of you missing your mom jeans that can be belted securely just under the boobs, you’re in luck.  Every site I visited had high-waisted pants, high-waisted skirts…has anyone really been missing these?  Granted I can see people wanting a choice between having a waistband that sits below the hips but do we really have to go back to the 1980s’ waistbands?  I loved the high waisted stuff once upon a time because I told myself that it was a handy place to tuck my fat into.  The tradeoff, unfortunately was the view from behind, when my booty appeared to travel half way up my back.  No one wants to see that again.  And…is this model wearing Jerry Seinfeld’s puffy shirt???  Oy.

Please Mr. Designer man, pretty pretty please bring peplums back.  Said no female ever. images No woman wants or needs an extra wad of material strategically placed at our waistlines.  Peplums are to women’s fronts what those damn big bows on dresses used to be to our bums.  Like neon arrows highlighting our physical flaws.  Peplums are only useful for rail-thin eighty pound models who can use the space underneath the material to hide cupcakes for their late night bingeing.

Admittedly, the rest of these pictures are just for fun.  Just because it’s a riot to go to Harper’s Bazaar and see what the top designers call fashion.  It’s the outrageous sort of stuff that will never make it into stores (thank God) and no one but those seeking attention will ever wear.  (Think high society Walmart people.)

I don’t know how they got into Morticia Addams’ closet, but she is going to be *pissed*!   hbz-AMCQ-preAW13-20-lgn

 

 

 

 

 

 

The first female pope?

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I can’t figure out if this is supposed to be a chastity shield or whether her armor dropped…

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Do you suppose she chewed that buffalo robe herself?

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Quick children, it’s raining!  Hide under my skirt.

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Truly, words fail me.

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All fall has to bring me this year is scads of new boot designs; a continuation of low-waisted skinny jeans; cute leather jackets and one in car coat length; and lots of new sweaters in bright colors.  Oh and if they can throw in more cute camis for layering, I’d have just about everything I need.  I already know the shirts with shirring on the side are on the way out, sigh, but I suppose I can live with it.  Just don’t make me wear that buffalo robe.

What will you be looking for to make the fall wardrobe complete?  Anything you plan to steer clear of?

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10 Responses to Peplums and Other Fashion Tragedies

  1. Pingback: Peplums and Other Fashion Tragedies | Attire stuff

  2. Teresa Hughes says:

    I plan to stay clear of every outfit you posted!!!! For fall I just need short sleeved tops without a lot of weird print, ankle high boots that tie, and jeans that sit on my hips not under my boobs!!!

    Thank you for making me laugh this morning. Btw, the “pope” one made me think of paintings I have seen of Jesus. The colors are just different.

    Have a great one Kylie:)

  3. Willa says:

    Giggled all the way through . . . 😀 Like you I hate shopping with the passion of a thousand burning suns . .

    High waisted pants?? Lol! Pants are knickers over here! Could start a new trend with them showing above low waisted jeans . .

  4. Kylie Brant says:

    Willa, I had to run into a store real quick on my husband’s birthday with the three grandsons. I told them it wouldn’t take long because I hated to shop. The oldest looked at me and said, “You can’t hate to shop! You’re a girl!” LOL. Smashed that stereotype!

  5. Sonya Heaney says:

    Well, we’re coming into spring here in Australia, so… 🙂
    I think the hair and makeup (furry caterpillar eyebrows? I don’t have enough shrubbery on my face for those!) as scary as the clothes these days. I’m also someone who keeps clothes for years and wears what I like, rather than what’s ‘in fashion’!

  6. Kylie Brant says:

    Way to go, Sonya 🙂 I don’t care if boots ever go out of fashion again…I’m not gonna stop wearing them!

  7. MaryC says:

    Morticia would feel the dress was ruined by that white/black eyesore aound the neckline and the white ruffles aound the cuffs
    As to fashion shows, my reaction is “What were they thinking?” when I see pictures of the outfits..

  8. C.J. Miller says:

    After I had my 2nd baby, I rocked the athletic/ yoga pants for quite some time. When I had to go shopping for new things (because nothing pre-baby fit right), I was horrified. Pant waists were either indecently low (couldn’t sit without major overexposure) or so high that I looked like a clown. My go-to fall outfit is a simple pair of well fitting jeans – not too tight, not too baggy and a cotton, plain colored long-sleeved shirt. When I’m in the mood to dress it up, a scarf or cardigan does the trick. It’s nothing that will make the pages of Vogue magazine, but for a mom-on-the-playground, it works.

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