I know most normal people are not scouring the web for a glimpse of what might be in the stores this fall. To be truthful, *I* won’t be in the stores this fall because I. Don’t. Shop. At least not in the traditional sense. I do my buying trolling websites online and what I’m finding is frankly alarming.
First, for those of you missing your mom jeans that can be belted securely just under the boobs, you’re in luck. Every site I visited had high-waisted pants, high-waisted skirts…has anyone really been missing these? Granted I can see people wanting a choice between having a waistband that sits below the hips but do we really have to go back to the 1980s’ waistbands? I loved the high waisted stuff once upon a time because I told myself that it was a handy place to tuck my fat into. The tradeoff, unfortunately was the view from behind, when my booty appeared to travel half way up my back. No one wants to see that again. And…is this model wearing Jerry Seinfeld’s puffy shirt??? Oy.
Please Mr. Designer man, pretty pretty please bring peplums back. Said no female ever. No woman wants or needs an extra wad of material strategically placed at our waistlines. Peplums are to women’s fronts what those damn big bows on dresses used to be to our bums. Like neon arrows highlighting our physical flaws. Peplums are only useful for rail-thin eighty pound models who can use the space underneath the material to hide cupcakes for their late night bingeing.
Admittedly, the rest of these pictures are just for fun. Just because it’s a riot to go to Harper’s Bazaar and see what the top designers call fashion. It’s the outrageous sort of stuff that will never make it into stores (thank God) and no one but those seeking attention will ever wear. (Think high society Walmart people.)
The first female pope?
I can’t figure out if this is supposed to be a chastity shield or whether her armor dropped…
Do you suppose she chewed that buffalo robe herself?
Quick children, it’s raining! Hide under my skirt.
Truly, words fail me.
All fall has to bring me this year is scads of new boot designs; a continuation of low-waisted skinny jeans; cute leather jackets and one in car coat length; and lots of new sweaters in bright colors. Oh and if they can throw in more cute camis for layering, I’d have just about everything I need. I already know the shirts with shirring on the side are on the way out, sigh, but I suppose I can live with it. Just don’t make me wear that buffalo robe.
What will you be looking for to make the fall wardrobe complete? Anything you plan to steer clear of?