Last week at the office, we realized that the most amazing sentences were uttered and no one was blinking an eye. We’re so used to hearing the craziest things “out of context” that they don’t register anymore. You’ll walk into someone’s office or workspace and you hear only *their* side of the phone conversation. Or you arrive at a meeting late and walk in at the end of a conversation. Some of these gems are priceless. We began recording some of the best ones (basically so I would have a blog today). I’m sharing them for your enjoyment. The following are ABSOLUTELY TRUE and ACCURATE examples of what you might overhear when someone is in conversation with an author, copyeditor, co-worker, marketing meeting, cover copy discussion, discussing a query, through the speaker phone on a conference call, or at the kitchen sink and coffee pot.
“I love that the lesbians have an underground bunker.”
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I can’t talk on the phone while wearing a scarf.”
“Male window washers should wear kilts.”
“I really like firm marshmallows and the smell of lumber.
“No. His face was eaten by a wiener dog.”
“She’s trying to catch a bird in her office. She’ll call me back.”
“You know I want to be Amish.”
“I can shave your cat’s butt.”
“She says you can’t kill a snake with wine. She tried.”
“Did you see that the vibrators are right next to the hearing aids?”
“Do you have a baby pig in your house?”
“She thought there were ants in the phone line, but it was just cat pee.”
“If it’s wet and it’s not yours, don’t touch it.”
“It’s difficult to pee slowly and not make any noise.”
“I don’t know if I have enough alcohol at my house for that.”
“Does she have to fact check the sex?”
We are an extremely professional bunch. I promise. But. . .sometimes the conversations make for an interesting day. Which of the above is your favorite out of context gem?
And did you know that Deborah Smith’s THE CROSSROADS CAFE is only $ 1.99 at Amazon this month! Go get yourself a copy.