Debra- Out of Context

Last week at the office, we realized that the most amazing sentences were uttered and no one was blinking an eye.  We’re so used to hearing the craziest things “out of context” that they don’t register anymore.  You’ll walk into someone’s office or workspace and you hear only *their* side of the phone conversation.  Or you arrive at a meeting late and walk in at the end of a conversation.  Some of these gems are priceless.  We began recording some of the best ones (basically so I would have a blog today).  I’m sharing them for your enjoyment.  The following are ABSOLUTELY TRUE and ACCURATE examples of what you might overhear when someone is in conversation with an author, copyeditor, co-worker, marketing meeting, cover copy discussion, discussing a query, through the speaker phone on a conference call, or at the kitchen sink and coffee pot.

“I love that the lesbians have an underground bunker.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  I can’t talk on the phone while wearing a scarf.”

“Male window washers should wear kilts.”

“I really like firm marshmallows and the smell of lumber.

“No. His face was eaten by a wiener dog.”

“She’s trying to catch a bird in her office.  She’ll call me back.”

“You know I want to be Amish.”

“I can shave your cat’s butt.”

“She says you can’t kill a snake with wine.  She tried.”

“Did you see that the vibrators are right next to the hearing aids?”

“Do you have a baby pig in your house?”

“She thought there were ants in the phone line, but it was just cat pee.”

“If it’s wet and it’s not yours, don’t touch it.”

“It’s difficult to pee slowly and not make any noise.”

“I don’t know if I have enough alcohol at my house for that.”

“Does she have to fact check the sex?”

We are an extremely professional bunch.  I promise.  But. . .sometimes the conversations make for an interesting day.  Which of the above is your favorite out of context gem?

And did you know that Deborah Smith’s THE CROSSROADS CAFE is only $ 1.99 at Amazon this month!  Go get yourself a copy.

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22 Responses to Debra- Out of Context

  1. Holy cow! These are hysterical! except this one…“Male window washers should wear kilts.” That one is just true.

  2. roxrustand says:

    LOL!!!!! These are HILARIOUS!! And I agree about the window washers. Totally. 🙂

    By the way, I ended up judging a lot of contests this spring. And in my comments on the score sheets, I often recommend your GMC book when there is a need for the writer to work on that aspect. One of them mentioned, in her thank you letter, that the book is out of print and she could only find it through inter-library loan. Is it really not in print? If so, it should be again, Marvelous reference! I loaned mine out and it disappeared long ago. Maybe that’s why. 🙂

    • debradixon says:

      Rox– Thank you for recommending GMC. It is definitely in print but the small publisher doesn’t sell to the big chains or Amazon because they want such a high discount. But anyone can get the PRINT copy just by going to my website and clicking the button right on the front page. Or going to the publisher. And in a month or so, folks can get the EBOOK version in all platforms.

  3. I know this one — “If it’s wet and it’s not yours, don’t touch it.” — was taken out of context, but I would have loved to hve heard the entire conversation. LOL

  4. Nikki H says:

    I really needed to read this to start my day. And I agree with Cynthia about the kilts.

  5. Lois Greiman says:

    You made my day, Deb. You had me at the mention of lesbians with bunkers. You go girls??!!?

  6. Parker Blue says:

    Hysterical! We have a lot of those bon mots with our critique group, and just recently started tweeting them with the #critiquespeak hashtag. Even in context, some are hilarious.

  7. leannebanks says:

    Oh, I love these! Gave me a great big grin! THANK YOU for sharing! Deb Smith is AMAZING!!!!

    • debradixon says:

      You’re welcome. At the end of the blog I thought, “You know, I ought to at least mention the special!” Glad I did.

  8. Teresa Hill says:

    Hi,
    I was going to say my love scenes always get odd queries back — and it’s not like I write weird, strange sex scenes — but honestly, sometimes it’s just embraces, how certain parts fit together. I just got one of those two weeks ago, and I said, “I’m pretty sure I would have checked this with my husband when I wrote it but just in case, I’ll check again.”

    Which means, I say, “Honey, I need you to come over here for a minute. If you sit here, and I’m standing here. My hands are here, does your face end up there?”

    And like a good romance writer’s husband, who’s been through this many times before, he just assumes the position, so I can say with great certainty, “Yes, his face ends up there.” (That sounds so much dirtier than ti was! It was an embrace, people, nothing more.)

  9. Kylie Brant says:

    LOL. Too too funny!

  10. pjbme says:

    Deb,
    Please have a snort alert. I spewed tea out my nose!

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