Da Nose Knows

images-3There comes a point when even the toughest among us give up.  Surrender.  Throw in the towel.  Or in this case, the tissue.  After not being able to breathe for seven months I’m finally going in for allergy testing.

I know, why rush into it, right?

Since July I’ve sounded like Gilda Radner reviving her role as Lisa Loopner.  I can’t breathe through my nose.  When I drink something I feel like I’m being water boarded.  When I chew with my mouth closed I have a panic attack because I start to suffocate.  I leave a charming string of used Kleenex in my wake.

Yes, I am disgusting.

But I fought the good fight.  This has been building up for several years.  Chronic sinus infections.  Fewer and fewer medications that helped.  And finally only steroid bursts (or the best thing ever, a steroid shot) would offer any relief.  But even that became short- lived.

This year it occurred that what seemed like sinus infection (chronic congestion) might be something else.  After all, I have no other symptoms.  I just can’t breathe.  Oh, I can sneeze for ten minutes straight, but I’ve developed that into more of an art.  I can sneeze the opening of the Star Spangled Banner and one rather crude verse of Barnacle Bill the Sailor.  But I had to weigh the options of taking this talent on stage with continuing to teach.  It gets rather difficult to teach phonics when “M” and “N” sound like “B” and “D”.  Like my first grader wasn’t confused enough.

I’m in the process of cleaning out my medicine cabinet and tossing the worthless over-the-counter crap that’s accumulated over the months, without doing a lick of good.  Antihistamines?  Phffft.  Decongestants?  Please.  (Okay, there was a short time when Sudafed was my friend.  When I was ready to find a meth addict to make out with so I could get a dose of Pseudoephedrine.)  But again, the relief  didn’t last.  (Probably a good thing).  Neti-pots?  I’d like to track down the guy who came up with that idea and beat an apology from him.  Nasal sprays?  Snort.  Allegra-D?  I’ll save that for the next time I want to stay awake for 24 hours.  Truly special.

I got tested nearly forty years ago so I already know I have allergies. Went on medication for about a decade and the problem dissipated. But apparently they’ve come roaring back with a vengeance.  Hence the appointment today.  By mid-afternoon, I’ll be looking like this:

DownloadedFileIt’s going to take a lot of McGillicudy’s to make up for that one hour in the doctor’s office.  So to take my mind off of it, I’ll go retro and watch a little Lisa Loopner.  Maybe she doesn’t sound so bad after all.  Maybe-with more time–I could even get used to sounding like her <g>:

Do you have allergies?  What do you about them?  Any home remedies for the tissue-dependent among us?

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18 Responses to Da Nose Knows

  1. Willa says:

    Awwww – good luck this afternoon, although I sniggered through a lot of your post . .in sympathy of course 😀

    Make sure you take your computer with you and keep stabbing away at the keyboard in time with them stabbing away at you 😀

  2. Kylie Brant says:

    Yes, Willa, I *felt* your sympathy, LOL. When my hubby started stuffing his pockets with Kleenex for me before we left the house I knew I had to do something!

  3. michelehauf says:

    I just feel like the air is getting dirtier and more full of allergens all the time. Seems like a losing battle fighting them! Luck with your testing.

  4. loisgreiman says:

    That sounds awful. But I don’t think the tests are very painful. Are they? Maybe you can use this as research to torture a character later on.

  5. debradixon says:

    Kylie! Yikes! But I guess the beauty (?) of this is that your treatment will be specific and more effective. Yep. I’m going with that! Good luck!

    For me, I just have the usual sinus and an allergy to paper tape. That stuff makes me go insane with itching!

  6. Best wishes for answers to your problems so you will finally feel better!!

    I had a chronic cough and sneezing…and some days, an intermittent dry cough while talking that made it hard to complete a sentence. Then I found out I have asthma. I’d never known that coughing was a sign of that! Smoke, dust, molds and cool damp basements set me right off, and a common upper respiratory bug will really exacerbate it. But the oral med and inhaler I use daily have made a world of difference, and if something sets me off, the emergency inhaler provides wonderful relief…or a course of prednisone.

    I hope you’ll find some helpful answers soon!

  7. leannebanks says:

    Oh, Kylie, I’m so glad you’re going in. I hope they will be able to help you! I’ve had sinus issues on and off for years. Had terrible problems as a child. I got tested for allergies in my early 20s and I was diagnosed with Vasomotor rhinitis. My nose will run if it’s too dry or there’s a temperature change or if I eat balsamic vinegar. I was given a steroid spray that I use when I’m having a lot of trouble. But I always need my tissues. Good luck Kylie!

  8. Nicole says:

    I know what you are going through and I sympathize. I’ve had allergies for years and it is a constant battle. Spring is very hard for me, I stay indoor as much as I can. 😦
    I have a problem too with scented candles.
    I hope they will be able to find something to help you.
    P.S. I have the non-stopping sneezing fit as well, they are exhausting.

  9. Kylie Brant says:

    I’m crossing my fingers that no allergy shots will be needed. But imagine I won’t be that lucky.

  10. Linda says:

    I feel for you. Dealing with animals with allergies is hard enough and then getting clients to comply with the treatment is even more fun. But look at it this way, if you find out what you are alllergic to and do have to take allergen shots then you will no longer need to take stock inKleenex. Fortunately my one allergy can be avoided by not eating and nut that grows on a tree.

  11. Quilt Lady says:

    I feel your pain. Certain times of the year I get really bad headaches from allergies. Usually spring and early fall.

  12. Kylie Brant says:

    Yes I don’t know how people who react to pollen, grass and trees can handle it. It’s not like that stuff can be avoided!

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