I realized the other day that I’m much better at deception than Surfer Guy. Two mornings in a row I was finding a pill on the kitchen floor. Surfer Guy takes a daily medication, so I thought he’d just dropped the tablets as he shook his dose into his hand. But…two days in a row? When I asked him about it, we realized what was going on. Our yellow Lab, Hank, (pictured at left) was spitting out the pills he’d recently been prescribed for an ear infection. Look at that dog. He’s sweet and kind and loving. Smart, not so much.
But Surfer Guy was lousy at deceiving him about taking that tablet. Of course he put it in a piece of food, but the pup had caught on. I, on the other hand, took care of the situation because maybe moms are just better deceivers. I took a piece of leftover sausage, stuffed it way down inside, and pretended to eat it myself, at the last moment giving him a taste. Worked like a charm.
You get a lot of practice at that kind of thing when you have kids. You learn all sorts of ways to hide unpleasant tastes or disguise unpleasant tasks. I also confess to conning the sons into bug annihilation. The key is to not express fear. Just hand the little dude a paper towel and encouragingly say, “Hey, you get to squash that spider!”
I also covered for the Tooth Fairy who once fell asleep and forgot to do the money/molar exchange. When disappointed child woke me in the morning with the news, I quickly grabbed up the money and said, “What? Are you sure? Let me check,” then made the trade just as the kid came through his bedroom door. Should I have gone into acting?
The only time I couldn’t fake it was when Son1 fell and hit his forehead on the in-laws’ coffee table. He was three and there was blood everywhere. We took him to the ER, but many victims of a bus accident had just been brought in. Surfer Guy made the executive decision that we wouldn’t wait for treatment and we headed home where he would butterfly-bandage the wound.
I couldn’t camouflage my upset for another moment. I blame it on pregnancy hormones (I was pregnant with Son2 at the time). My mom was visiting and she gallantly played nurse, while I hid upstairs in a bathroom and sobbed. Once he’d been “doctored,” I was able to calmly cuddle with him and a Disney movie.
Are you a good faker? Have you had to pretend for your kid or your dog that medicine was a treat? Did you ever devise a believable reason why the gift Santa left under the tree/Easter Bunny left in the basket was spied just the week before in Mommy’s closet?