I am confused. Okay that’s not an abnormal state of affairs these days, but this is a new wrinkle. I went to Ulta the other day (massive beauty products store, for those of you who don’t live in blessed regions of the country!) looking for a little eye liner. I staggered out two hours later with a bag in one hand and my illusions in the other.
Once upon a time beauty products were named and packaged to give a air of elegant or comfort or beauty, or just downright sexiness. Not anymore, folks! A fresh new brand of warped creativity has hit the cosmetics counter. Crazy names, even crazier packaging.
Urban Decay is a whole line of cosmetics packaged with post-apocalyptic flair. Crumblilng brick and rusty metal and graffiti are a few of their themes. Then there’s Ed Hardy. . . even the most out-of-touch grannies have seen the tattoo-esque art with skulls, hearts, and chains on his products. Strictly hard riding leather influence. . . which apparently sells like hot cakes. I saw a toddler at the mall that same day wearing an Ed Hardy t-shirt with a skull and hearts on it. Can Armegeddon be far behind?
But the color names of cosmetics have changed big-time, too. They stared out cute and funky. . . OPI was famous for it’s whimsical color names: Chocolate Shake-speare, Crepes Suzette, Dusk Over Cairo, Las Vegas Strip Poker, London Bridge is Falling Brown, Royal Flush Blush, Greece Just Blue Me Away, and my personal favorite: Nice Color, Eh?. But now it’s gone way beyond the cute, and even suggestive color names– from smirk all the way to “huh?” and “ewwwww!” Take a gander:
Pussy Pucker – lip balms – Nice Melons, Plain Ol’ Prude
Asphyxia – eye shadow (shudder)
Acid Rain – eye shadow
Half Baked – eye shadow (probably obvious on anyone wearing it)
Roach – eye shadow
Chicken Poop – lip balm– really!
I don’t care what color it is, or how yummy it smells, I am never putting Chicken Poop on my lips!
On the bright side, there is a fresh new wave of advertising and packaging that speaks ultra-realism. . . almost to the edge. BED HEAD. . . a whole line of products that are not exactly cheap. Hair wax. Not to take off hair on body parts, but to make hair stand up straight or stick out. . . most of which I’ve spent a lifetime avoiding in my toilette routine. Then there are products like MORE HAIR that promise greater fullness and the illusion of–you guessed it–MORE HAIR. And finally, one of my favorites: Helmet Head– a hairspray they could use to glue heat tiles on the bottom of space shuttles. After a day wearing it, my head bounces on the pillow when I climb into bed. Not kidding! Radical truth in advertising! Who knew?
I’m starting a collection of weird cosmetic and beauty product names. So have you see any lately that made you want to go “Whaaa?”
Share some with me and I’ll reward a loyal commentor with some Nail Envy from OPI! Or if you have a cosmetics story of your own, spill. I’ve got plenty of nail polish remover!
Riding With The Top Down 
Sorry. No crazy names or stories. I used to buy make-up once a year (the night before the Army Christmas Ball), but there was no ball last year (it was a casual affair). I love the Bed Head products. When in doubt, pretend you meant to have your hair stick out that way. It works for me
🙂
Nadja
Right! when in doubt– confidence will carry the day! Cosmetics or no cosmetics, confidence works.
I’m really not a waitress OPI nail polish. Very popular color. Unfortunately looks better on other people than me.:/ Lincoln Park After Dark OPI — dark color that chips the second I walk out of the salon. I’ve moved onto Red Carpet Shellac Manicure. It’s a do-it-yourself shellac manicure that lasts 7-14 days. My fave RCM colors are Midnight Affair, Drop Dead Gorgeous, Red Carpet Ready and Simply Stunning. And I haven’t even checked my lipsticks….:) Great topic, Betina
Lincoln Park After Dark – wow. Love the name. But no hint as to the hue. Except– dark– right? Lipsticks are going the way of the nail polish. . . especially with the edgy products. Thanks, Leann. I’m adding your faves to my list!
My OPI color is Raja Ruby. Just waiting for them to discontinue it…seems like every product I get hooked on goes away!
I mostly wear color on my feet. My fingernails have too short a life to spend much on. But my toes are another story. Cajun Shrimp is my fave. A light, pinky-peachy-red that’s almost coral, but softer and redder. Hmmmm. I feel a pedi coming on.
My fave is Plum delight especially during the summer. Hope it lasts.
My favorite lipstick color is Black Honey by Clinique. It looks almost black in the tube but is a glossy plum color on the lips. My other favorite lip color (also by Clinique) is Ruby Melt, which is a kind of see-through red. Currently my toes are wearing Volcanic Blast (glossy black) with Bride of Frankenstein (glossy white) zebra stripes airbrushed on. I’m not sure what company makes the nail polishes; it’s a brand carried by the salon where I get my pedicures.
Betina, my daughter uses Chicken Poop, and she loves it. Hee.
I like any sexy name for a product, because of course, it’ll make you sexy! Ha! I like to go into Ulta just to look, because they don’t have anything organic, so I usually don’t buy. But browsing through the pretty packages and reading the funky names is fun.