Make-Up Names. . . Beyond the Pale!

I am confused. Okay that’s not an abnormal state of affairs these days, but this is a new wrinkle. I went to Ulta the other day (massive beauty products store, for those of you who don’t live in blessed regions of the country!) looking for a little eye liner. I staggered out two hours later with a bag in one hand and my illusions in the other.

Once upon a time beauty products were named and packaged to give a air of elegant or comfort or beauty, or just downright sexiness. Not anymore, folks! A fresh new brand of warped creativity has hit the cosmetics counter. Crazy names, even crazier packaging.

Urban Decay is a whole line of cosmetics packaged with post-apocalyptic flair. Crumblilng brick and rusty metal and graffiti are a few of their themes. Then there’s Ed Hardy. . . even the most out-of-touch grannies have seen the tattoo-esque art with skulls, hearts, and chains on his products. Strictly hard riding leather influence. . . which apparently sells like hot cakes. I saw a toddler at the mall that same day wearing an Ed Hardy t-shirt with a skull and hearts on it. Can Armegeddon be far behind?

But the color names of cosmetics have changed big-time, too. They stared out cute and funky. . . OPI was famous for it’s whimsical color names: Chocolate Shake-speare, Crepes Suzette, Dusk Over Cairo, Las Vegas Strip Poker, London Bridge is Falling Brown, Royal Flush Blush, Greece Just Blue Me Away, and my personal favorite: Nice Color, Eh?. But now it’s gone way beyond the cute, and even suggestive color names– from smirk all the way to “huh?” and “ewwwww!” Take a gander:
Pussy Pucker – lip balms – Nice Melons, Plain Ol’ Prude
Asphyxia – eye shadow (shudder)
Acid Rain – eye shadow
Half Baked – eye shadow (probably obvious on anyone wearing it)
Roach – eye shadow
Chicken Poop – lip balm– really!

I don’t care what color it is, or how yummy it smells, I am never putting Chicken Poop on my lips!

On the bright side, there is a fresh new wave of advertising and packaging that speaks ultra-realism. . . almost to the edge. BED HEAD. . . a whole line of products that are not exactly cheap. Hair wax. Not to take off hair on body parts, but to make hair stand up straight or stick out. . . most of which I’ve spent a lifetime avoiding in my toilette routine. Then there are products like MORE HAIR that promise greater fullness and the illusion of–you guessed it–MORE HAIR. And finally, one of my favorites: Helmet Head– a hairspray they could use to glue heat tiles on the bottom of space shuttles. After a day wearing it, my head bounces on the pillow when I climb into bed. Not kidding! Radical truth in advertising! Who knew?

I’m starting a collection of weird cosmetic and beauty product names. So have you see any lately that made you want to go “Whaaa?”

Share some with me and I’ll reward a loyal commentor with some Nail Envy from OPI! Or if you have a cosmetics story of your own, spill. I’ve got plenty of nail polish remover!

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9 Responses to Make-Up Names. . . Beyond the Pale!

  1. NL Gassert says:

    Sorry. No crazy names or stories. I used to buy make-up once a year (the night before the Army Christmas Ball), but there was no ball last year (it was a casual affair). I love the Bed Head products. When in doubt, pretend you meant to have your hair stick out that way. It works for me


  2. leannebanks says:

    I’m really not a waitress OPI nail polish. Very popular color. Unfortunately looks better on other people than me.:/ Lincoln Park After Dark OPI — dark color that chips the second I walk out of the salon. I’ve moved onto Red Carpet Shellac Manicure. It’s a do-it-yourself shellac manicure that lasts 7-14 days. My fave RCM colors are Midnight Affair, Drop Dead Gorgeous, Red Carpet Ready and Simply Stunning. And I haven’t even checked my lipsticks….:) Great topic, Betina

    • bkrahn007 says:

      Lincoln Park After Dark – wow. Love the name. But no hint as to the hue. Except– dark– right? Lipsticks are going the way of the nail polish. . . especially with the edgy products. Thanks, Leann. I’m adding your faves to my list!

  3. Kylie Brant says:

    My OPI color is Raja Ruby. Just waiting for them to discontinue it…seems like every product I get hooked on goes away!

  4. bkrahn007 says:

    I mostly wear color on my feet. My fingernails have too short a life to spend much on. But my toes are another story. Cajun Shrimp is my fave. A light, pinky-peachy-red that’s almost coral, but softer and redder. Hmmmm. I feel a pedi coming on.

  5. Ellie says:

    My fave is Plum delight especially during the summer. Hope it lasts.

  6. Candace Schuler says:

    My favorite lipstick color is Black Honey by Clinique. It looks almost black in the tube but is a glossy plum color on the lips. My other favorite lip color (also by Clinique) is Ruby Melt, which is a kind of see-through red. Currently my toes are wearing Volcanic Blast (glossy black) with Bride of Frankenstein (glossy white) zebra stripes airbrushed on. I’m not sure what company makes the nail polishes; it’s a brand carried by the salon where I get my pedicures.

  7. michelehauf says:

    Betina, my daughter uses Chicken Poop, and she loves it. Hee.

    I like any sexy name for a product, because of course, it’ll make you sexy! Ha! I like to go into Ulta just to look, because they don’t have anything organic, so I usually don’t buy. But browsing through the pretty packages and reading the funky names is fun.

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